Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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