If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize