for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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