ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think i have two assholes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
