Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
