I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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