Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
