I just threw up on my dentist
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
