I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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