my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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