Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
