I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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