is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
