Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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