You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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