why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
