I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
