FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think people are normalizing furries
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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