Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
