my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She made me pour olive oil on her.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
