you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
