New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
