She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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