matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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