The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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