my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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