Define "chronic" masturbator.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
