Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
