dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
