good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
