u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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