I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
