Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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