I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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