She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
