Sober January is a disaster.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
