Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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