Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
