plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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