i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
