So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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