My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
