Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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