What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
