Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
