I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
