I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
