That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize