fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
