so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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