i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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