I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
