im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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