Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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