they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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