ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
