Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
