My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
