you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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