He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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