We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
