Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
