How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
