I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
