i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
