Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize