First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
