I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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